Controlling our Emotions

This week in Life Skills, we are discussing how to control our emotions, so that they don't control our actions.  For homework, I asked them to reflect on a time when they had been controlled by their emotions--How did you feel, what did you do, and what would you have done differently?  The following is the answer one boy gave me.

"Write about a time when you were controlled by your emotions. How did you feel? What did you do?
           When I wanted to kill a lizard that was in my room, I felt pity for it, because it was innocent. I took it and went to put it on the grass.  I let it free.
If you had more control over your emotions, what would you have done differently?
            I could have killed it."

10 out of 10.  Nice job, bud!

Now... there are many things that could be going on here:
1. He could have missed the point of the assignment.  Perhaps he thought he was to write about a time when he didn't lose control.
2. Pity overwhelmed him. In that case, BE A MAN and KILL THE LIZARD!

I find it so funny that I'm almost sure he was thinking #2.  That is just so different than most American kids would think about a lizard in their room, where we have to protect the adorable little guy.

UPDATE: I sat down with this learner to make sure he understood the assignment.
"Read what you wrote, and explain to me which emotions were controlling your actions."
He read it and replied, "Kindness."
"... So you think you should have ..." I pointed at the paper where he said 'I could have killed it.'
"Yeah. I should have killed it, but kindness led me not to."

Alright. well he understood the assignment.  Not what I was expecting, but definitely an insight into his mind and the cultural position of animals.

"I saw the sign...

... and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign."

Gotta love 90s music that inspires.

Before I left for this journey, I was encouraged to see those things in life that keep popping up in my life. Just for fun, I started making a list of those things today, and it helped bring life into clearer focus.  Some of these things, like teaching, counselling and working with marginalized youth, I get to do every day here in Namibia, and that is awesome.  Other things, like pushing the US government to decrease barriers to education and support alternatives to traditional educational settings for marginalized youth, will have to wait. 

While I'm working at the Vision School, I do have a major opportunity to be a part of something way bigger than myself.  Since this school will hopefully become the model for other schools all around the country, and this is the pilot school, we get to do something no one else gets to do: whatever we want to help these kids.  We get to pick and choose parts of the Namibian, Cambridge and American models of schooling to create a whole new system, with our own individual flavour added.  That is so cool.  That is what I want to be a part of at this point in my life.  Working with other dedicated teachers and principals and advisors to make a brand new school.  We may not go with my ideas every time, but I am so lucky that I get to have a voice in the future of this school.  Change is difficult, frustrating and exhausting, but it is amazing when you can see the results of the change improving children's outcomes and lives.  This is such an amazing opportunity, one that will hopefully now extend to two full years here. 

22/6/2013 Smile, Breathe and Be Weird

I know I’ve been writing a lot about the more negative/less happy aspects of being here lately, but I think that’s a major result of writing being my outlet when I’m upset.  But my experiences are far from all negative.

Those times when I get to be in front of a group of kids or working with a group of kids being my weird self are the greatest.  I geek out over CVs and college applications and budgets in Life Skills class.  We run like crazy people in Phys Ed.  I belt out silly blues songs in Art class.  We float across the stage in dance rehearsal.  Those Mayer-learners moments are my favorite.  I think that’s part of what I’ve been missing this term—Mayer-learner time is more limited somehow with the new timetable we’ve adopted this term, and I just miss the learners. 

But today was full of ‘em.  This afternoon, we had dance rehearsal, and we really, really rehearsed.  Repeating moves like 15 times, scolding of limp noodle arms, giving the counts, demonstrating for and dancing with learners, really becoming a team with my ten ballroom quickstep dancers.  It was amazing! And they even didn’t stop dancing when the rest of the learners came into in the dining hall for lunch! I was so proud of them! And had such a fun time.  The pairs we have are so perfect: there’s the tall, silent pair, who are really talented and work so well together, and don’t really talk at all (I think they’re in luv), the super drama club couple—think the brother and sister from High School Musical, the slightly frazzled leader of the group and his takes-no-shit partner.  The nerdy boy who has really bad rhythm and the girl stomps her feet, and the short couple who have some serious natural talent.

And then this evening, we had Who Wants to be a Millionaire.  Two of the LRCs asked the questions, I ran the computer/MC’ed the event, the Head Boy ran the music, and the rest of the LRCs ran security.  So it was all set—Miss Mayer running an event for 240 learners.  Cool.

Only they didn’t really understand the life-line thing, so we went through the learners really quickly.  **Thinks on feet--** LIGHTNING ROUNDS FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL! YES!

Now I think anyone can see how this could go horribly awry.  Learners could get pissed, they could fight over candy, it could spiral out of any control I was clinging to.  But instead, something crazy happened—It worked!!! Before we started doing the lightning rounds, I addressed the school very frankly.  I said, “Do you remember that time when we tried to play a game (capture the flag), and it failed miserably?” “YES” “OK, but do you also remember how you were really good sports about it, and went along with things happily anyway?” “YEAH”  “What I’m about to do is along the same lines.  You’re going to have to bear with me!”  “ALRIGHT!”  From there, it was easy

We had some lightning rounds after each official round in the style of the show, interspersed with various choir and dance performances to mix it up a little.  It helped a lot that I had all the candy!  The only part that got crazy was at the end when all the boys try to corner me for the left over candy, cheering “Sweets! Sweets! Sweets!” I was a little afraid for my life for a moment.  The few who genuinely offered to help me pack things up got sweets.  And then everyone else tried to “help.” One picked up a piece of paper and handed it to me with a look-what-I-did!-Aren’t-you-so-proud? look on his face.  Adorable, but no, you don’t get a sweet for that.  They also wanted me to throw candy into the crowd. THAT was NOT going to happen.  So all-in-all the whole evening was an on-the-edge-of-chaos success.  Just the kind I love. And now, I’m in my flat, very sugar-high and very happy.  My flat-mate is listening to math versions of “Call Me Maybe,” girls are singing in the dorm, we turned off the TV, and life is good.

09-06-2013 Namibian Roommate

This term, for logistical reasons, I have moved downstairs to share an apartment with our superintendent of the hostels, and Wendy is now living with one of the other English teachers upstairs.  I have enjoyed many delicious meals of porridge, various relishes and river fish and lots of Namibian TV.  Our TV is always on (often loudly—I’ve discovered the glory of earplugs), so I’m constantly exposed to the entertainment of the day.  Often, this is pop music videos from the US and around the world (Robin Thicke, I want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon every morning  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyDUC1LUXSU). Other times, it is the SA Prayerline broadcasts of Christian Rock/Gospel/preaching.  Today, it has been a combination of three great things: WWE, Big Brother Africa, and Nat Geo “Caught in the Act.” 

The first is taken very seriously here.  As this was my first time watching it, I was impressed by the production value and acting.  I now believe WWE to be a social commentary on the world’s obsession with the glamorous, strong and watching people in times of physical and emotional turmoil.  My eyes are opened to the illusion that athletics gives to the world, thanks to WWE.  I think the producers and everyone involved have made such a poignant argument against the fabricated showmanship of the state of today’s athletics.  Thank you, WWE.

Second one: Big Brother Africa.  There are two channels dedicated to a 24/7 feed into two big brother houses, and on Sundays, they have their highlights and elimination episodes.  But seriously, just imagine a 24/7 feed into the Jersey Shore house.  Mostly, it’s just them sitting around doing nothing.  And then crying when someone is eliminated.  I fail to understand this one.

Third: Caught in the Act—ridiculously funny or graphic footage of animals in the wild caught on tape.  Baboons attacking people for food, hyenas fighting with lions, lions fighting with honey badgers, baboons attacking cheetahs, cheetahs attacking hyenas.  I don’t have to say anything else—this show is CRAZY GOOD!!!

Letting Loose

Last night, I was feeling pretty down--long week of study duty, the student council was away, teachers had once again left me with running the Saturday night program, and I had once again decided a movie was just the easiest thing to do, so that's what we were going to do.  I was not a happy camper, even bordering on pissy adult.

But then, something magical happened.  Two of my grade 8 learners were playing music while we waited for all of the learners to trickle in, and our fantastic lab technician decided we needed to have some kids welcome us all to the movie night.  He had the "DJs" put on some really good dance music, and invited kids to come up and dance.  A few did, and every time anyone stood up, everyone in the hall cheered, despite it often being quite clear they were just getting up to change their seat or go talk to a friend.  Everyone thought that was hilarious.  Spur of the moment, added some liveliness to the evening.  Really gave kids a chance to laugh and dance and let loose before watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  Since so much of the movie is animals interacting, and not so much language-based, it was easy to understand, even without very good speakers in an echo-y hall. 

Halfway through the movie, the student council arrived from their conference, and a quick cheer erupted through the hall.  They ate the dinner we had saved for them as they watched the rest of the movie with us. 

After the movie, the boys went first this time (we always release the learners girls first, then boys in the evenings to help make sneaking away together more difficult), and the girls stayed to stack up the chairs.  After that was finished, I released the girls and was packing up the speakers and projectors. 

THEN the screams came.  Plethora girls were SPRINTING back towards the dining hall, yelling.  I thought there was a rabid dog, or snake in the path, but bravely ran out to protect my girls.  Turns out, it was a whole big group of grade 8 girls who had hidden behind a wall and ran back at the rest.  Everyone was laughing, when I looked closer! Everyone went to bed smiling and laughing, and I think we're more well rested today because of it. 

Even with the lack of moment-to-moment planning, we managed to bond quite well as a school last night, and it was a pleasure to be reminded that fun, even in a group of 240 learners, ages 12-25, can be spontaneous.  This afternoon, we're planting trees around the school, which may help build some ownership of the grounds for the learners. 

09-06-2013 Leggo my Ego

I didn’t realize how long it has been since I last blogged!! This term has been off to a much smoother beginning, and as we prepare for the official opening, and to welcome the Minister of Education and possibly the President of Namibia, we keep very busy.  Vision continues to get shipments of materials, and we are really operating at full tilt! We’ve got the SmartBoards up and running, all of the teachers have new laptops running Windows 8, and we transitioned right into the term-one round of our biweekly tests is already finished.  The learners have been much less panicked this term, which has been a blessing. 

This term has also seen many egos bruised, broken and fighting to regain ground.  We have the Ministry representatives pushing us to perform well, the principal fighting to open this school at a calculated and planned pace, the student council trying to get their feet under them and provide entertainment to the learners and maintain discipline in the courtyard, the teachers balancing their personal lives with the high commitment to their jobs required at this school, and the management team setting and resetting the time table for the school in attempts to appease everyone.  No one is immune to ego flair ups, and everyone is on edge as we prepare for our second visit from the Ministry this week. I am no exception.

It seems to me that so much angst would be cleared away if people communicated their needs and plans calmly.  I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing, but it seems that instead of addressing concerns calmly and quickly, many of the teachers here are quick to anger and storm.  Those of you who know me well know that this is not a good environment for me, as I am not exactly a serene person.  Before coming to Namibia, when I was living at home, I was really working on fixing tone habits I’ve had for my whole life—loud and pissy sounding, even in the most unnecessary of situations.  I have acknowledged this shortcoming in myself, and I’ve been actively trying to correct it for a long time.  Occasionally I have experienced progress toward presenting myself in tones of voice that befit the situation.  Here, though, I find I am surrounded by people just like me.  In a time when I was hoping to change, I find myself feeling like a person trying to quit smoking while surrounded by smokers.  Thank goodness I have strong friends in WorldTeach and stateside who help remind me that I just need to be mindful in the present moment and breathe.

I am hoping to remedy some of the issues through the proper channels—schools here find the order and bureaucracy to be very important.  So I will try to fix problems by writing official letters, setting up meetings with agendas, sign off on minutes from previous meetings, and hopefully get some things done. 

And when that doesn’t work, I’m going to go play with the learners.  Camp games in P.E., get them exposed to scholarship and travel opportunities in Life Skills (and possibly Odyssey of the Mind), get silly acting and dancing on stage, making messes in art class.  Because that’s what I came here to do. Not to get caught up in egomania or tone-escalating.

I want to give kids a chance to be kids and a chance to be effective adults with a broad world-view.

05-06-2013 RVS meets Hawkeye: Lessons in Humanity

This past week was the last week of the Hawkeye Campership Fund’s Stache-for-Cash month, and I had my art classes participate by making blue (Iroquois pride) moustaches.  It should be noted that I did not FORCE my kids to make blue moustaches.  I informed them of the four tribal colours, and let them know that blue is mine.   They were completely free to make their moustaches any colour they wanted.  I simply only supplied them with blue coloured pencils. 

We also looked at pictures from hikes last summer, and talked about the fun things we do at camp.  Many of my learners were surprised to learn that there are vulnerable kids in the US.  We talked about how not all camps are like Camp Rock where everyone has great clothes and loving families.  We talked about how many kids in the US have to take care of their families, just like kids in Namibia do.  Camp is their only time to really be kids and make friends and play.  When we were looking at the pictures, someone said, “But Miss Mayer, they don’t look vulnerable…” I was about to explain that looks can be deceiving in a PC way, when another learners said that “Just because they’re white doesn’t mean they’re not vulnerable sometimes. Haven’t you been paying attention?” Minus the indignation, I was really proud to have taught a lesson. At the beginning of the lesson, many learners raised their hands when I asked who thinks all kids in the US are rich and come from loving families.  I think at the end of the lesson, many learners were at least starting to question that notion, beginning to think about the lives actual kids around the world lead, rather than just what the movies tell them.

One learner wanted to know how we could donate money to help send kids to camp.  These kids here have next to nothing, yet they want to help get kids to camp after me talking about how great camp is for 20 minutes.  My learners here have nothing to donate or give but their love.  But YOU, dear reader, might! Visit www.hawkeyecampershipfund.org to help send kids to camp this and next summer!  These classes of Rukonga Vision School students, campers at Hawkeye and I thank you so much!