Personal Thoughts on Freedom and Independence

NB: This is a personal thoughts post, not reflective of the official opinions of RVS or WorldTeach (none of my posts are!).  It’s also slightly a personal confession, rather than a glance into my day-to-day interactions at RVS.

                Today is Namibian Independence Day, so as a school, we have been celebrating with many discussions on freedom and what independence means to people.  In 1990, it meant freedom from political and social oppression for Namibian people.  Today, it means freedom from economic hardship and suppression in Namibia. 

                For me, though, it means freedom from sadness. This past year, to put it in Namibian terms, I have been “suffering.”  Even when everything little thing is gonna be alright, my heart was sad.  Like a tight knot in my chest, bringing me close to tears about seventy percent of the time.  It was all I could do to greet people some days.  And I felt guilty about it all the time.  I’m surrounded by children who have lost both parents, have lost siblings, have no food to eat at home, nor soap to bathe with.  And yet, they manage to smile and soldier on, hopeful of a bright and happy future for them.  What reasons do I have to cry? It’s not fair of me to be sad, when I’m surrounded by so much hope in such dismal conditions. 

                But in the words of Princess Elsa, I am starting to be able to “let it go.”  The guilt, the heavy heart and the worry.  I am listening to my brain, which is telling me that things are going to work out, and every little mistake is not always my fault.  I was drowning in guilt from silly little mistakes, instead of learning from them and moving on.  I was drowning in anger at others, instead of learning from them and moving on.  I was constantly worried about what would happen next, instead of allowing the future to take its course and moving in the moment. 

                I am stronger for it, now.  And happier for it, now.  And more appreciative of it, now.

                My mind is strong enough to tell my heart, “Everything is going to be alright.” And my heart is strong enough to listen. I am free.