Personal Thoughts on Freedom and Independence

NB: This is a personal thoughts post, not reflective of the official opinions of RVS or WorldTeach (none of my posts are!).  It’s also slightly a personal confession, rather than a glance into my day-to-day interactions at RVS.

                Today is Namibian Independence Day, so as a school, we have been celebrating with many discussions on freedom and what independence means to people.  In 1990, it meant freedom from political and social oppression for Namibian people.  Today, it means freedom from economic hardship and suppression in Namibia. 

                For me, though, it means freedom from sadness. This past year, to put it in Namibian terms, I have been “suffering.”  Even when everything little thing is gonna be alright, my heart was sad.  Like a tight knot in my chest, bringing me close to tears about seventy percent of the time.  It was all I could do to greet people some days.  And I felt guilty about it all the time.  I’m surrounded by children who have lost both parents, have lost siblings, have no food to eat at home, nor soap to bathe with.  And yet, they manage to smile and soldier on, hopeful of a bright and happy future for them.  What reasons do I have to cry? It’s not fair of me to be sad, when I’m surrounded by so much hope in such dismal conditions. 

                But in the words of Princess Elsa, I am starting to be able to “let it go.”  The guilt, the heavy heart and the worry.  I am listening to my brain, which is telling me that things are going to work out, and every little mistake is not always my fault.  I was drowning in guilt from silly little mistakes, instead of learning from them and moving on.  I was drowning in anger at others, instead of learning from them and moving on.  I was constantly worried about what would happen next, instead of allowing the future to take its course and moving in the moment. 

                I am stronger for it, now.  And happier for it, now.  And more appreciative of it, now.

                My mind is strong enough to tell my heart, “Everything is going to be alright.” And my heart is strong enough to listen. I am free.

Flexibility

This weekend has been all about flexibility.  Saturday, the Learner Representative Council arranged a really amazing performance of singers and dancers and speakers to welcome the newest members of our Rukonga community.  Starting on Wednesday, groups were registered to perform, and our LRCs were so on top of everything, that the program was set on Friday night.  This is something which usually doesn’t happen until about 30 minutes before the event.  All of the groups’ music was planned for and prepared before afternoon study on Saturday (again, something which is usually super last minute).  Everything was smooooooooth sailing.  I couldn’t have been more proud of the LRCs and group members for their preparation and forward thinking. 
 

But nothing can go that smoothly. 

Dinner came, and some of the LRCs were busily setting up the audio equipment.  But the connection between the amplifier and computer wasn’t working properly.  Trouble shoot: OK how about this computer? What if we turn it this way? Let’s take off the tape and see if we can put it back together. Nope. Damn.

Back-up plan: Microphone sitting on the table in front of two small speakers.  Worked like a dream… sort of. Only we couldn’t quite get things loud enough for the dancers to hear sometimes, and the rapping was out—because the microphone was occupied.  Although one learner did hold the small speaker in his hand with the mic, so that he was rapping with the speaker in his face.  That was hilarious.  But everyone did a remarkable job.  And the learners in the audience were respectful and sweaty and sharing water bottles with each other.  A pretty beautiful evening, overall. 

Which was really good preparation for today, because we woke up with no power.  This happens a lot on Sundays in Kavango.  Throughout the day, old and new students were totally on top of their time! Very few late comers to the dining hall, study periods or hostels (dorms).  Even without too much water for drinking, the learners were content to work and play.  Around seven, the power usually comes back on when these outages happen.  But today it took an extra hour.  Even through that hour, (dark, now), learners were laughing, studying, hanging out. Without showers, phone calls home, or washing which usually happens at this time, they were prepared for the long haul.  They were ready to fetch water from the river, if needed. 
 

But (obviously) the power did come back on, and still, the learners were patient! It was like Christmas when the water started flowing.  But the girls were patient. Toilets were flushed and water bottles were filled, but showers waited. Washing waited.  And now they’re all calling home without complaining to parents, just smiling faces talking to their loved ones.

I know a lot of these issues are not new to these kids, or don’t sound like a big deal to readers at home.  But I am constantly impressed by these learners’ never-ending flexibility and ability to push themselves in novel situations and rebound from setbacks.  They’re inspiring.

Teachers here are also flexible.  As we finish our hiring process for 2014, we are currently short a lot of teachers in the classrooms.  But was is so impressive is the willingness of all teachers to step up and teach extra courses, subjects and classes in the afternoons and evenings, sacrificing personal time for the sake of these learners' education.  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive group of colleagues to work with here. 

End of Orientation is the Beginning

Orientation this year was eye opening for me, again.  This new group of volunteers has so much spirit and energy and dedication, and I am so incredibly excited to see all of the wonderful work each is able to accomplish.  I feel like I’ve continued to grow as a person, this orientation, discovering weaknesses and strengths and learning from mistakes.  As the volunteers left this morning (Kavango picked us up last, of course), it was so bittersweet.  After such a long three weeks together, we’re all headed out into our own adventures.  We’ll integrate into our communities and make new friends.  We’ll focus on our communities’ needs and teaching our kids. We’ll stay in touch.

I think the major thing I’ve learned this OR was that it’s not about me.  I tried to focus on giving to others so that the program can be successful.  I don’t need to be the center of attention and that is a really refreshing place to be.  I’m hoping I can continue in this mind set at my school, where I am focused on the needs of the school, and not necessarily what I think the school needs.  It leaves me more relaxed and able to actually make things happen.  I'll be teaching Grade 8 Life Science and Grade 8 and 9 Arts this year!  I'm going to use Ahlquist-style organizers/summaries for note taking, which I'm really psyched about doing.  I think it'll be really good to have the learners generating their own notes, because usually here what happens is the teacher will write out a summary of a topic on the board, and the learners will copy it down, so making them go to the textbook and write out the information in a way that makes sense to them will be really helpful (I hope!).

Leaving Windhoek was hard this morning.  The volunteers scattering around the country, and friends staying in Windhoek are difficult to say goodbye to.  But I am excited for that feeling I get every time I walk through the gate to the girls’ hostels. That feeling of pride in my learners and belonging in my school.

PS: This part is mostly for last year’s vols.  WT2013, I miss you all like crazy!! This year’s volunteers wrote Bret a song and sang it to him at the goodbye dinner. Hilarious.  It will be posted soon. J Additionally, it’s super interesting how adding men to the group of volunteers changes the group dynamic.  It’s super refreshing to have more male humor and presence around. I think it created a more social group from the beginning, because people we’re afraid to go out and stuff from earlier on in OR.  And these volunteers are super-de-duper.  But I don’t have anyone to sing Granite State of Mind with, or reminisce about Ithaca with, or geek out about Dewey or Montessori with, or share every day ups and downs with, or I can go back and forth between wanting to be a social worker and teacher with, or whose insanely good trip planning skills I can take advantage of for a month. I love you all so much!  

New Year’s Blog: Reflections and Resolutions

Over this year, I’ve learned a lot, and I think I’ve grown a lot as a person.  I’ve learned how important positivity is with people.  All people.  Being home, I think I was more able to apply some of the positivity and patience I apply in the classroom with my family.  That’s a really good sign, for me, because it means that I may be more capable of applying it to the more professional interactions in my life.  I’ve struggled with that forever, but maybe that’s changing. 

I made some really amazing friends.  I think I forget about that because they were often really far away from me, but the other volunteers in my group are amazing individuals, and I’ve loved getting to know them and travel with them and be a part of this crazy adventure with them.  I’m really sad that they won’t be there, but as the Girl Scout song goes, “Make new friends, but keep the old…” I’m resolving here and now to be excited about the new volunteers and not compare anything to last year: not try to find “This Year’s Abby” or “Jenn 2014” or “Jamie2.0” or “KSaddRemixed.” And instead just be excited for Namibz2014. 

I’m also going to resolve to chill out a bit, and not be high strung.  Listen, smile, and breathe more, and stress-cry less.  2014 has a lot of potential. I’m going to be stronger-willed without being antagonistic, more goal-directed, with understanding, positive, and patient.  Let’s do this!

Holiday!

I’ve been away from blogging! Sorry!! A quick update on my actual life before reflecting and resolving: I was in Windhoek for three weeks working with our field director to plan the upcoming orientation for the incoming volunteers.  It was amazing, and I feel like I was doing something I’m good at, which has left me so incredibly excited for the orientation which starts tomorrow!

Being home was incredible.  I was welcomed in the Rochester airport by my wonderful family, including my brother and his fiancé who came to visit from Chicago. My parents threw a huge house warming party for their new home. We fit right in there! I substitute taught a few days, and got all my doctor appointments out of the way.

Substitute teaching reminded me of some things.  I forgot how incredible patience is for kids.  I was subbing for an elementary music teacher, so I had a rotation of all of the grades K-5.  First off, K-2^nd grade: A-dor-able.  3^rd and 4^th grade were excited and enthusiastic and we sang holiday songs.  But 5^th grade.  They were off the walls bonkers crazy. So many classified kids/kids with IEPs and just general sub-at-a-holiday-hyperness.  I couldn’t even get TO attendance. I was NOT about to just put a movie in for these kids.  So instead, I turned off the lights and we did some breathing.  Then I had them play that team building game where as a group, people count to a given number (10, in this case), without repeating or simultaneous counting. If two people say the same number at the same time, the whole group has to start over again.  It was working! Quite well, if I do say so myself.  And in that game, a remarkable thing happened.  One of the kids was clearly on the autism spectrum, and he REALLY didn’t want the class playing this game.  So first, I pulled him aside (because the class was pretty much running itself by this point), and asked what I could do to make the game more manageable for him.  But he lost it, and ran into the middle of the circle to stop the rest of the class.  The rest of the class was wonderful.  The kids acknowledged that he was having a problem, but didn’t let it really interfere.  There was a lot of, “It’s ok. Just sit out for a bit, but the teacher asked us to do this, and that’s what we need to do” and “Everything is safe and fine. Just take a minute for yourself” and the like.  It was one of those shining moments for inclusion where everyone is helping everyone else learn something about people.  I liked that.

I also got a few good swims in at the WAC while I was home!

Christmas was great. Lots of laughing and family time, and the Legends still got together for a gift exchange which has been happening for a long, long time.  While we were missing a few, everyone managed to at least Skype in for a bit and contribute.  Pretty cool that we can still manage to organize a get together of 15 friends from high school.  And I got to see HANNAH!!!  And Sara and Ben got engaged and I saw them.  (ok this is spiraling)  All in all, the trip home was super necessary and an absolute joy.

Thankfulness

I know this is a bit late, but I wanted to give thanks for so many things in my life.  First, the people.

My parents are unbelievable.  They support me, emotionally and… well… financially, and they don’t make me feel ashamed of needing them on both counts.  In fact, I’m proud that my parents stand behind me, because I know that what I am doing is good if folks like them believe in it.  I love you both so much.

My brothers are such rockstars.  I am so lucky to have such a diverse trio of bros backing me up, and who let me back them up whenever I am able.   

My grandparents, though I only have one left living, have been inspirational and a guiding presence in my life.  Growing up is really cool, because you realize the impact amazing people have had on your whole life.  I’m excited to tell my kids someday about what awesome grandparents I have, but for now, I’ll settle for telling everyone else (friends, strangers, whoever will listen) about how cool you are.

Friends and family world-wide are lovers, haters, ballers, shot callers, and ah-wey, mann, ‘ya keep me going.  This year has been so hard to stay in touch, and I am so thankful for all of the extra effort people have been willing to put into talking to me—waking up early to Skype, Facebook, staying up late to Skype, flying across the world—thank you!

My learners.   I am the luckiest teacher in the world to have such an amazing group of 240 learners.  I know that I talk about how much I love you all the time, and it’s always true.  You are brilliant, and I am so proud to hear about all of your end-of-year results! I am overflowing with pride in you (but I’m also not at all surprised)!  Love you all to bits and pieces, now go to bed!

 

I am also incredibly thankful to the powers that be for all I have learned this year. A brief list of lessons I am thankful to have learned:

1.       My brain operates very quickly, with very little direction, and zero filters whatsoever.  While this gets me into trouble often, I actually really like this about myself.  Mostly, I like it because it seems like Grandma Nana was the same way.

2.       A positive attitude can almost always improve a situation. Listen, smile, and breathe.

3.       Meditation, yoga and kickboxing are amazing.

4.       I have the ass of a black chick!

5.       Music is a great way to bring people together.  Thugs, Gs, girls from the village, boys from the town, everyone can rock out to M’Bop.

6.       Accountability is a really important facet of running a school, and somehow, you have to create a community where people… want (maybe that’s not the right word… are proud?) to take responsibility for their actions.  Ownership of activities, places and tasks is a huge part of developing this pride and love of the job. I’m sure this is my western view on the school I am working in, but I feel like it’s a really important lesson to remember for when I go back state side.  Now I just have to learn how to function in the system which is here, while I’m here, because I’m clearly not going to change it by myself.

7.       I know that I am by no means a full-fledged adult yet, but growing up is really fun!

I am so thankful to have another year of growth, teaching and learning in this beautiful country with so many wonderful people.

Learners and Leadership

I love each and every one of my learners.  Each of them is my favourite for some reason or other.  240 favourite people who are learning from me and are in my care.  I feel so honoured that they trust me to take care of them, love them, and teach them in the best ways I know how, and that they are helping teach me to become a more calm and loving person.  I help them find, learn from and improve on their flaws, and they graciously return the favour.  We got on that way. Making mistakes, learning and fixing together. 

I see leadership as being someone perhaps with more experience guiding from behind as others discover the pathway forward for themselves, knowing that they have someone from whom they can get directions if they get lost.  I am not a fan of making lists of negatives (Don't Run. Don't Dive in the Shallow End... etc).  Instead, I like lists of positives (Please walk. Please only dive after 10 feet depth... etc).  Doing this for leadership is really hard.  I'm learning a lot of things that I don't want to do as a leader of a classroom or other group of people.  But I will try to make a few positive statements about the kind of leader I want to be. 

• Only ask people to do things that you would do yourself, but for learning or extenuating circumstances, it is better for them to do them.  Do the dishes sometimes, sweep the floor sometimes, fill up your own water bottle, carry your own books.
• Accept help when it is offered, and know that having that help will broaden the scope of what you are doing.
• Leave the office to see things in motion.
• Provide everyone in your structure with concrete, clear job descriptions and opportunities to clarify that description and expectations.
• Do. Your. Job. All the time.
• Know everyone. All. The. Time.

That last one brings me to my immediate inspiration for writing this post.  My learners.  I love them all so, so much.

1. The one who is so young, and so clearly still in need of motherly attention. I want to put him in my pocket.
2. The one who wants to be involved in everything I am involved in, and who has become my shadow. Seriously. He thinks he can sneak up on me when I'm marking papers in my classroom. Tries almost daily. (He succeeded once. Never again!)
3. The four who are really more like friends than learners, and I probably get way more relaxed with them than I should.  But if they were a few years older/not any older but just not a learner, I'd totally be friends with them! They are my rocks.
4. The one who is so loving and observant that I avoid him when I'm upset because he'll ask what's wrong and I just can't look him in his sweet face and say that everything is fine when sometimes I'm only hanging on by a thread.  He'll just come share a chair with me on those days.
5. The one who is so caring for those in her class and all around her. The sweetest smile I have ever seen, and she stays up late when people are sick to keep them company/check on them.
6. The one who wants desperately to be a mature woman, but also just loves Disney Channel, so tries to emulate that weird mix of adult/child that only Disney Channel can create.
7. The one who was so depressed because she didn't know she was a good person.
8. The ones who are trouble makers. I just love my four loud boys who never shut up. I love their ADHD tendencies.
9. The girl who has a major ego, which obviously stems from both her upbringing in a family that doesn't value tribal diversity of the country and her brilliance. She's too good for these... people. Ugh.
10. The one who writes poetry and is otherwise quiet.
11. The one who writes poetry and never shuts up.
12. The flamboyant boy who has the strut.
13. The young men who flirt with all the girls, but actually have this immense fear of both girls and the future. (These are the same ones who say "As you wish" to me... still)
14. The one who wears chains and walks like a g, but also spoke very sweetly about the father figure in a play.
15. The one who comes from a very rural village from a very isolated tribe and works so hard to catch up to the rest of the learners.
16. The one who asks me for help with study skills so that she can improve her marks.
17. The ones who play the game they designed to review for a subject when they have study time.
18. The one who sucks up to all the teachers, but tries to reap the rewards too soon. She came into the middle of a different class during the 5th week of school, came straight up to me because she had a paper cut.  Dude, don't interrupt my class with that. But you're cute and obviously I love you!  Now go away.
19. The one who always asks me about books and myths.
20. The one who is always trying to help, but never tries to reap any rewards from it.
21. The one who is so competitive and talented. He stole the stage acting as an older teacher; I think he was channelling one of the teachers here.
22. The one who wants to be an astronaut.
23. The ones who think they can smile their way out of anything.  And they usually make me laugh. So they do get out of many things that way.
24. The one who uses dictionary words all the time. "Have a stupendous day, Miss." "Miss, thank you for being so accommodating and candid." "Miss, don't let our antics delay you. Clearly, you are flabbergasted."
25. The one who wouldn't eat at the beginning of the year, hoping that we would send her home, and her friends who got her to eat in those first days, and who now all laugh and play and study together.
26. The one who cried non-stop for the first week here who is now completely adjusted and one of the most friendly and loved learners.
27. The learner who really turned his act around 180 degrees after first term. He was causing so many problems, but now is such a strong leader in his class.

I could go on and on for another 200 learners. Each face